Haunting Conflicts of the Past

There was a parent who had a child in Early Head Start that transitioned to preschool, which made her a paying parent. Three months later I transferred out of the classroom to the front office, I noticed her account was in arrears. When I asked her what she planned to do about her balance she became angry. I was in an awkward position because this parent was getting loud and drawing attention to our conversation. I did not become angry or shout back at her, instead, I remained calm, and she had no one to argue with. I lowered my voice, speaking softly, I told her could we discuss this issue later if she would not mind.

Another incident was with a colleague, I approached her one evening when all our children had left for home. I said we were both teachers with equal pay, and I wanted her to start being a team player. She became upset and raised her voice, I raised mine and told her she never helps with the children and that she is not attentive with the children because she is out of the room or has her back to them. She had some things to say to my accusations, she denied them all. This had been ongoing for several months, and it had to change because I was at the end of my patience. I told her maybe we needed to take out disagreement outside so we could finish it without an audience. That when both quieted down, and the conversation ended. The next day she brought me a present and apologized. I also apologized for losing my temper, but I was adamant that she could not keep disappearing, only to come back and say she got sidetracked and still had to leave, again. I told her I needed her eyes because young toddlers must be cared for constantly. She was transferred to kitchen duty not long afterward.

In the first incident, I was in a position of authority, and the parent did indeed owe over $800.00, with the amount increasing each week. Her anger was surprising since she was aware that her child’s funded care had ended, and she was not paying. In hindsight I could have used a different introduction to the issue, perhaps the “Introduction to negotiation” by being “inventive about options” (Conflict Resolution Network. n.d.).  Although, the parent was aggressively provoked by the mention of money owed (O’Hair & Wiemann, p.218). There was no negotiation since she was angry from that day until her last day, but she did start to pay, and she never paid the arrears.

The argument with my colleague was provoked on my part because I was angry at the lack of professionalism. I can see how we did need to talk about our working relationship, perhaps with a mediator. We could have used an objective third party to ensure with stayed with the issues, and not veer into personal attacks (CRN, n.d.).  Most important I think I needed the skill of “Managing Emotions” found in the “Introduction-Conflict is the Stuff of Life” (CRN, n.d.).

From both incidents, I can see now that my communication with the parent was with respect because we already had a relationship. But her response was unexpected. And when I spoke to my colleague, there was no respect, and for that, I regretted it and later apologized.